


Spitting Up Flowers is Easier Than Saying I Love You

by lazykim



Category: Gintama
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, HijiGin, I'm losing sleep for this, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not Beta Read, Out of Character, hahaha, how does one tag, no beta dying with errors, probably an over done au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22358842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazykim/pseuds/lazykim
Summary: Hijikata has Hanahaki Disease. A one sided love that causes him to spit/cough/throw up flowers. The only way to stop the disease is to have their love reciprocated or get the flowers removed. However, if the flowers are removed than so are the feelings for that person. Little does he know that Gintoki is facing the same problem. Basically two idiots who are too blind to see that they love each other. Probably out of character.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 14
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

When the first petal appeared he thought he had accidentally swallowed a blossom while patrolling around Edo. However, it was January and the flowers wouldn’t bloom for another two or three months. Hijikata decided to ignore it. He passed by a few TVs on display.

“There seems to be a new disease sweeping through Edo. If you happen to start spitting up, coughing, or finding flower petals coming from your mouth then you might have Hanahaki disease.” Hijikata stopped walking and then backtracked until he was facing the many screens.

“Doctors say that this disease is caused by having a one sided love. If left untreated the flowers will continue to get worse as time progresses. No word yet on how to prevent this disease. Now to Ketsuno Ana with the weather.”

_One sided love...ONE SIDED LOVE??_

Hijikata didn’t love anyone like that. Right? At least he thought he didn’t. It must’ve been a fluke. He must’ve passed by a flower shop and one of the petals must’ve just flown into his mouth. Yeah that was it. Nothing else. He needed a smoke badly, he reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out his box of Mayoboros, only to find it empty.

He scowled and threw the box away.

“Oogushi-kun. Fancy seeing you here.” A familiar voice as well as a familiar nickname reached the Vice-Chief’s ears.

“Yorozuya.” He sighed and turned to see the perm head wearing his winter clothes. Blue scarf wrapped snugly around his neck. Cheeks dusted pink because of the cold weather. He smiled lazily at the dark haired man and Hijikata felt his chest tighten slightly.

“Oi, are the Shinsengumi underfunded or what?”

“What did you say?” Hijikata growled.

“Going on patrol without a scarf? Tsk, tsk.” Gintoki shook his head.

“It’s not like that.”

“Then why isn’t the Demon Vice-Chief wearing a scarf?”

“I…” he mumbled the last bit.

“I’m sorry what?”

“I...it…”

“Hmm? I can’t hear you~”

“Fine. I forgot it.”

“You forgot it.” Gintoki raised an eyebrow at Hijikata.

“It wasn’t that cold when I headed out.”

“It’s cold now.”

“Whatever, I’m still on duty.” He started to walk away from the Yorozuya.

“Stupid cop.”

“What’d you say!?” Hijikata turned towards the perm head. Only to have a scarf wrapped around his neck.

“There, much better.” The perm head grinned. Hijikata definitely felt his chest start to constrict. “See you Mr. Police Officer.” Gintoki smiled again and walked away from Hijikata, waving lazily behind him.

Hijikata watched the perm head walk off. He was left in the cold, blue scarf wrapped around his neck. He couldn’t help but bury his nose into the warm fabric. His throat started to tickle and the Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi started to cough into his hand. Two white cherry blossoms laid in the palm of Hijikata’s hand. He stared at the petals and couldn’t help but think that he was fucked.

* * *

Back home Gintoki bowed down to the porcelain throne. But not in the usual sense. He was coughing up a storm as blue flowers littered the toilet bowl. He's been going through this for several days now and it wasn't as bad as it was that night. The morning glories were there as a reminder of Gintoki’s one sided love. He scoffed at the meaning of the flowers. Morning glories, a symbol of eternal and never ending feelings of love, love that’s not returned. The color blue reminded Gintoki of Hijikata’s eyes. It’s ironic how the blue also symbolizes trust, respect and deep emotions. He must’ve been high as a kite for giving Hijikata his scarf. But he couldn’t help it. Seeing Hijikata partroling in the cold just made him want to keep him warm, Gintoki wanted to bash his head in. What was he thinking? Of how cute Hijikata looked. It didn’t help that it also induced another bout of coughing and the occasional throwing up of flowers.

He sat in front of the toilet until he stopped.

Gintoki then went to bed, glad that Kagura was at Shinpachi’s house. She would’ve had a fit about the sounds that came out of the bathroom. He laughed at the irony of it all. The former Shiroyasha in love with the Demon Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi. An ex-Joui rebel in love with a Bakufu Dog.


	2. Chapter 2

It got worse as the days went by. Hijikata had to hide the fact that he was coughing up the damn petals. He was a stubborn man and didn't want the others to know that he was suffering because he just happened to fall in love with the Yorozuya boss.

It seemed fitting that they'd be cherry blossoms. They were beautiful and pale. Just like the man of his affections. And it was ironic how cherry blossoms have such a short life span. Representing time and how it's fleeting.

But Hijikata knew that his feelings wouldn't end anytime soon. The increasing amount of flowers was evidence of that.

He wondered if this was what he got for not confessing to Mitsuba all those years ago and leaving her. Maybe this was how she felt when he didn't accept her feelings. He keeps saying that it was to protect her. But what if it was to protect himself? Maybe he pushed her away because he was afraid of loving someone. Of someone loving a thorny like him.

Funny how he ended up falling in love with someone just as thorny as he was.

Hijikata sighed as he stared at the blue scarf that was neatly folded on top of his dresser. Hijikata was going to return it. But he thought that the sight of the other man would cause him to undoubtedly redecorate the ground with dozens of cherry blossoms.

He sighed and got ready for patrol. Hijikata couldn't find his scarf so Gintoki's would do. At least that was what he told himself. It's not like he wanted to wear it or anything. Or because it was Gintoki's. Or because it smelled nice.

Hijikata just groaned and snatched the scarf from his dresser and left the Shinsengumi barracks to work. He couldn't help but breathe in the scent the scarf carried. It smelled sweet, like strawberries on a warm summer day. He wanted to drown in his scent. He must've looked like a weirdo in the middle of the street. Sniffing the piece of fabric as if it were the best thing since the invention of mayonnaise. He stopped acting weird and went to patrol.

Only stopping to smoke at one of the few places that permitted it.

* * *

Elsewhere, Gintoki was with Kagura and Shinpachi. They were headed towards the nearest supermarket to buy groceries. He trailed behind the kids and watched them talk about New Years Envelopes again. They'd be in for a real treat this time. He managed to save up this year. Filling each envelope up with about 50,000¥. The kids deserved it. After all of the BS they put up from him, it was the least he could do.

This is what happens when you don't spend all your money on pachinko or other forms of gambling. You save money.

If Gintoki were honest, he didn't really want to be out in the cold. He wanted to be at home, chilling underneath the kotatsu. He could live underneath it if he could. Gintoki could practically feel the warmth as he closed his eyes just thinking about the heated table.

His eyes suddenly shot upon. The familiar scent of smoke filled his nose. Why did they always end up in the same place at the same time? Fate must've had it out for him because there was the mayo loving fiend he'd fallen for. Smoking next to one of the very few areas that allowed it. Looking all stoic and cool like that.

_ He's so freaking good looking what the fuck!?  _ He yelled internally. But what really caught his attention was the blue scarf wrapped around his neck. Gintoki couldn't help but smile fondly as he saw the man wearing his scarf.

Gintoki grimaced. He felt that feeling rise up in his throat again. You know, that gross feeling of phlegm, building up in your throat until you need to hack it up. Yeah, that's how Gintoki felt but instead of hacking up phlegm he felt like hacking up flowers. He quickly found a trash can and filler it with the blue flowers. Luckily no one saw him.

He wiped his mouth of any extra saliva and prayed that the officer didn't spot him. He hurried after the kids. Wanting to get done with grocery shopping as soon as possible. Not wanting to deal with the ache in his heart that would undoubtedly grow with Hijikata's presence.

"Gin-chan?" Kagura eyed the perm head suspiciously.

"What?"

"Why are you in such a hurry? We don't have work today and we're just grocery shopping." Shinpachi replied for Kagura.

"Yeah. You're acting suspicious. Did you hit your head?" Kagura asked.

"No, just want to get home to my nice warm kotatsu.” He replied. They continued on to the market and bought what they needed with little to no incident. Although Kagura did give a surprise german suplex to a bald man she assumed was her father. But besides that everything went smoothly.

"I'll cook tonight." Gintoki informed the kids. He was in the mood to cook. It would probably help him keep his mind off of a certain someone.

"Awesome!" Kagura exclaimed as she crashed into him in an attempt to hug him.

"Oi, watch it Kagura. We just bought these we don't want to-" he couldn't finish his sentence as he bumped into someone harshly. He lost his balance and clutched the groceries that he had in his hands. Squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for his back to hit the ground. But that didn’t happen.

_ Huh? What? I should be on the ground? Whose arm is this? Nani? _ He opened his eyes to find himself face to face with the one person he was trying to avoid.  _ Why me? _ It turned out that he bumped into the Vice-Chief and said man caught the other before he hit the ground. So now Gintoki was being dipped by Hijikata in the middle of the street.

“Are you okay?” Hijikata asked while helping to steady Gintoki back onto his feet. The perm head didn’t respond right away.

He blinked once. Than twice.

“Oi..are you s-stalking me? Has that stalker gorilla you call a boss rubbed off on you?” He replied, voice sounding nervous and a little shaky.

“Glad to see you’re okay. A thank you would've been nice.” Hijikata replied with a roll of his eyes. "And I'm not stalking you."

“Gin-chan are you okay? Tsk, tsk, this is what happens when you don’t look where you’re going.” Kagura shook her head. Even though she was the one who made them bump into each other. Literally.

“Hijikata-san. What are you doing here?” Shinpachi asked.

“Patrol.” The dark haired man replied curtly.

“That scarf looks awfully familiar. Gin-san...don’t you have one just like that?”

“Ahahahah,” he started to laugh nervously, his cheeks were starting to get redder and it definitely wasn’t because of the cold.

“Also why aren’t you wearing one? It’s cold out.”

“I didn’t feel like wearing one. Besides it’s not that cold.” He lied. “Let’s go back home. I said I was cooking didn’t I?”

“You cook?” Hijikata asked with a look of surprise on his face.

“Yeah, so? Come on kids. We shouldn’t bother the tax thief.” Gintoki motioned for the kids to follow him and went on his way. Speed walking as fast as he could without looking too suspicious. Creating as much distance away from the dark haired police officer as he could. 

The feeling of wanting to cough or throw something up was increasing. Once he made it home he rushed to the bathroom locking the door behind him.

“This is what you get for not dressing appropriately for the weather Gin-san.”

“We’ll put the groceries away.”

Gintoki didn’t reply as he clutched the toilet bowl. Heaving up the flowers. He took a few deep breaths and composed himself. He said he was going to make dinner and so he did.

He even handed the kids their New Years envelopes. Kagura almost crushed him with the monstrous hug that she gave the silverette. Shinpachi smiled. They were happy and that was all that mattered. Sure he was keeping them in the dark about his condition but he’d rather keep them smiling for as long as he could than have them worry. He was stubborn like that and he’d sacrifice his life for their happiness. Once they found out Gintoki knew they’d be upset. But that was a problem for another time.

* * *

Hijikata watched the news and found out some more details about the disease. The only known cure for hanahaki disease was either having your love be returned or having the growth be surgically removed. If he didn’t do anything about it, he’d die. But if he were to get them removed then so will his feelings for the perm head.

He didn’t care. He didn’t want his love to die just like that. If this was punishment for not telling Mitsuba his feelings. Then he'd happily die because of it. It's what he deserved...right?

"Hijikata. You've been acting really strange lately."

"Shut up Sougo. Is it a crime to act so strange?"

"I mean that would depend." The young man replied monotonously.

"So what do you want?"

"Nothing, just wanted to see what you were up to. It's like you're actively avoiding us."

"Can't I have some privacy?"

"Whatever, have you seen Danna lately?"

"No. Why would I want to see that perm head anyway? I didn't bump into him during patrol just to end up catching him in the middle of the street or anything." He replied a little too quickly. Sougo raised an eyebrow.

"No need to be all defensive. Or oddly specific."

"Why did you ask in the first place then?" Hijikata scowled.

"Just wondering."

"Oi, were you asking because that Yato girl usually hangs out with that idiot?"

"No."

"Uh huh…so you say."

"Die Hijikata."

"Commit seppuku Sougo."

"Die Hijikata."

"Seppuku Sougo."

They went back and forth for an unnecessarily long amount of time. Until they both got tired and Sougo went off to find some time to kill. Hijikata knew that he was most likely going to pick a fight with the girl. 

He shook his head and his thoughts drifted towards the the idiot of his affections. He thought about the way the perm head would annoy the hell out of him, the way he continued to eat sweets even though it was bad for him, the way his eyes would soften from their usual dead fish gaze when he was watching the kids. Or the way he looked flustered during their encounter in the middle of the street.

Hijikata felt like coughing up a storm of cherry blossoms. And he did. Maybe dying because of love wasn't the worst way to go.


	3. Chapter 3

Ever since then, they ended up avoiding each other at all costs. Hijikata holing himself up in his room doing paperwork or avoiding anyone with remotely silver looking hair while on patrol. Gintoki would run as fast as he could if he even smelled smoke when he was out working. But you know what they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And in their case it was killing them. Literally. And their love wouldn't die anytime soon, since they’re both stubborn idiots.

They were each experiencing different levels of severity when it came to hanahaki disease.

As the days went by Gintoki's condition was getting worse to the point that he had to make up excuses to stay home. The kids didn't bat an eye at the man. Gintoki always made excuses and they were used to his laziness by now so they assumed he was just worming his way out of doing work.

Hijikata's condition wasn't too severe. The dark haired man was still able to go out on patrol. The real obstacle for him was avoiding his men. Especially Sougo, the guy really had it out for Hijikata. What with all the attempts to kill the mayo lover and all.

If they did happen to bump into each other, which was inevitable with how much they had in common. They would awkwardly greet each other, maybe shoot a jab here, an insult there, and then shuffle away in the other direction as fast as possible.

* * *

“Hijikata. You’ve been going to the bathroom a lot lately.”

“Is it a crime to go to the bathroom so often?”

“It’s strange because I didn’t even put laxative in your mayonnaise this time.”

“STOP PUTTING LAXATIVE IN MY PRECIOUS MAYONNAISE!”

“Whatever, it’s weird. Last night one of the toilets in the bathroom ended up clogged and the strangest thing is that it wasn’t shit. But flower petals.” 

“Flower...petals?”

“Yeah, weird right? How would they even end up inside the toilet. An indoor toilet at that...with no windows. Also cherry blossom season doesn’t start for another couple of weeks.”

“And?” Hijikata tried to keep his composure.

“It’s just weird. Oh I heard...what was his name again? Ahh Tanaka from the third squad ended up with that weird disease. What was it again?” Hijikata started sweating. “Right, that hanahaki one.”

“So?”

“Maybe it was him? I heard that he’s planning on getting surgery to remove the growth. I just thought I’d give you some news about what’s going on. I mean you hardly leave your room anymore Hijikata. Are you hiding away to read nasty magazines?”

“Go commit seppuku.”

“Die Hijikata.” Sougo left the dark haired man alone after that and Hijikata let out an exasperated sigh.  _ That was close...too close… _ He didn’t turn on the light when he went to the bathroom, he didn’t want to alert anyone that he was there. He must've left without checking to see if they were flushed or not.

_ Damn. _ He wouldn’t be making that mistake again.

* * *

Several days passed and Gintoki was home alone. He somehow convinced the kids to take on a job by themselves. It was okay. Something about helping old people with groceries. They left without a word, leaving their perm headed boss alone. Even Sadaharu tagged along with the two.

He was fine.

He was not.

With each passing day the amount of flowers that he’d cough up would double. At this rate he didn’t think he could keep it hidden any longer. Why did he have to fall in love with that mayo fiend again? He sighed heavily. Hijikata’s face popping up in his head.

_ Damn that mayo obsessed bastard. Damn his stupid morals. Damn his straight hair. Damn his v-shaped bangs. Damn his handsome face and his blue eyes. God I could stare at those eyes for hours. _ His thoughts trailed from cursing Hijikata to listing off all the things he found endearing about the man. All the things he loved. His cheeks started to get red and he just wanted the pain to stop.

Gintoki suddenly coughed violently. He hunched over clutching his chest. He stumbled into the bathroom not bothering to lock the door. His face was covered in sweat and his eyes were scrunched up tightly from the pain. Morning glories spilled out of his mouth, this time the blue flowers looked like they belonged in some sort of horror movie.

The flowers had blood splattered across the petals. The red contrasting with the blue. Gintoki’s eyes widened as he shakily put a hand over his mouth. He didn’t think it’d get this bad. But it was. His love for Hijikata was what was going to kill him.

He took his hand away shakily to see it stained with his blood. Another feeling of throwing up crashed into him like a wave.

By the time he was finally able to stop he was resting his head against the cool porcelain of the toilet. Breathing heavily as he looked at the flowers that didn’t make it into the toilet bowl. Surrounded by the blood stained reminder of his one sided love.

The front door opened and shuffling could be heard by the entrance. Two pairs of eyes stared in shock at their boss.

“Gin-san!/Gin-chan!” Kagura and Shinpachi yelled as they rushed to his side.

“This is! That flower disease!” Shinpachi exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say anything.”

“Didn’t want...blegh...you guys to worry.” He threw up again.

“Well we’re worrying now! Kagura help me lift Gin-san. We have to get him to the hospital.”

“Stupid Gin-chan.” She lifted Gintoki up and whistled for Sadaharu. The inugami bounded over and let out a sad woof.

They managed to get the man on top of Sadaharu. Gintoki slumped over his white fur. His chest hurt more and it was slowly getting harder to breathe. The trio made their way to the hospital, Gintoki was immediately rushed into the ER. Kagura, Shinpachi, and Sadaharu watched as the perm haired man disappear behind the the ER doors.

* * *

“Doctor! We have to do something. We have to operate now.”

“...No…” Gintoki replied weakly. The doctor and the nurses looked at Gintoki as if he had suffered a head injury.

“Sakata-san. You must be out of your mind. We have to remove the flowers or else you’ll die.”

“Just leave them.” He coughed again. They looked at him with concern.

“From the severity of the amount of flowers you’re coughing up you have weeks. Even days left.”

“I don’t want to stop loving them.” He admitted, tears started to build up in the corners of his eyes before finally falling down.

The doctor sighed. “This is a death wish Sakata-san. We’ll try to slow it down the best we can. For now you should stay at the hospital. We’re going to move you to another room.”

Gintoki stayed silent as he was moved to another room. His clothes were ruined and so he changed into the clothes that the hospital provided.

He was hooked up to an IV filled with some antibiotics to help slow down the growth and help ease the pain. An hour passed until Kagura and Shinpachi visited him in his room. A large trash bin was placed beside his bed for when he’d start to throw up.

“Gin-chan is an idiot.” Kagura sniffed.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Shinpachi asked sadly.

“Sorry.”

“So who is it?” Gintoki looked away eyes staring at the wall. He stayed silent, not wanting to reveal that he had fallen for Hijikata.

“We know about the disease. It’s been all over the news. Why aren’t you getting it removed?" Shinpachi asked. But the bespectacled boy looked like he understood after a moment. "You love this person so much that you’d die to keep those feelings for them."

Gintoki squeezed his eyes shut and only nodded.

“Gin-san...you’ve done a lot of stupid things, but this is practically suicide!” Shinpachi yelled. “You can’t die because of something like this!”

“Gin-chan…” Kagura sniffed. “I don’t want to lose you too.”

Gintoki’s heart hurt for another reason. He knew that he was being selfish. He should’ve told them. Now he couldn’t even look them in the eye.

“Please, think about getting the surgery.” Shinpachi urged.

Gintoki didn’t respond.

“We’ll visit you tomorrow. Please think about it and get some rest.”

“Stupid Gin-chan.” She wiped her eyes as she and Shinpachi walked out of Gintoki’s room. The silverette was left alone to his thoughts.

_ Should I? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm rushing. But I just really wanted to finish it as soon as possible while it's still fresh in my mind before writer's block hits...And while I still have some free time. School work is a pain... I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. I drew some fanart for the story but I don't know if I should add it in or not...hahaha


	4. Chapter 4

Kagura and Shinpachi came to see him again the next day. Even the old hag, Catherine, and Tama came to visit. He couldn’t meet their gaze.

“Get the surgery. I can’t bare to see another person I think of as family to die before I kick the bucket.” Otose stated. “Besides who is going to pay back all the rent you owe me?” She tried to keep things light, but it wasn’t really working.

“Idiot. Hmph.” Catherine huffed crossing her arms and looking to the side as if she didn’t care. She obviously did. Tama looked at Gintoki with her usual expression but after knowing her for so long you could tell that she too was upset by his condition.

“I brought you a home cooked meal.” A cheery voice chimed in. Everyone cringed at the sight of food. Was it even classified as food? Otae had come along as well, producing a bento box with dark matter inside. If the flowers didn’t kill him, that surely would.

“Big sis…he’s not in the best condition to eat that right now...or ever.” He mumbled the last bit.

“Huh? What was that Shinpachi-kun?” Otae gave the boy a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Nothing.”

“Okay, open wide Gintoki.” Otae smiled.

_ Why me? Omg, I'm seriously going to die aren't I. Did it move?! I think it did! Holy shit! _

As Otae drew near, Gintoki sunk into the mattress. He looked pale and tried to disappear. It didn't work as the older Shimura sibling tried to feed him. The other occupants of the room wished they could help, but they didn't want to face Otae's wrath.

Luckily, a gorilla was on the loose in the hospital and ended up snatching the food away from Otae. Everyone sighed with relief internally. For once glad to see the gori stalker.

“Otae!! You can’t give another man your cooking!” The gorilla then shoveled the contents of the bento into his mouth. Once finished, Kondou passed out, everyone could see his soul attempt to leave his body.

“Oh, would you look at that he passed out because of how good it was.” Otae laughed.

**_WRONG!!_** Everyone thought as they felt a little sorry for the poor man. But glad that the dark matter didn’t find its way killing Gintoki.

“Kondou! This is a hospital you can’t just...oh…” Hijikata arrived. He was chasing after his boss after the stalker caught wind of Otae’s scent. And by that he spotted the eldest Shimura and chased after her like a love crazed imbecile. He spotted Kondou on the ground, grabbed the scruff of the gorilla’s collar and dragged him out of the hospital room. But not before bowing apologetically.

“Sorry…” he mumbled under his breath. Red eyes met blue for a split second before the police officers left the room. Gintoki stared at the door, even after Hijikata left the room.

His friends left after staying for a bit. He didn't want anyone else worrying about his condition. He told them not to tell anyone else about it. He laid in bed and attempted to get some rest. He felt sick of tasting the metallic tang of blood and flowers.

* * *

_ Yorozuya…in the hospital? _

Hijikata couldn't believe it.

"Excuse me. Why is he in the hospital?"

"Oh it's terrible you see. He's got hanahaki disease. Truly a shame." A nurse told him.

"Why is that?"

"Oh, he chose not to take the surgery to remove the disease."

"He what?!" Hijikata shouted.

"Shhh. This is a hospital."

"Sorry. I'll take my leave." He bowed and left the hospital. Dragging a gorilla back to work with one hand. Was that considered animal cruelty?

Hijikata couldn’t get Gintoki out of his head. The silverette wasn’t going to get the surgery for his illness? Was he stupid? Well Hijikata couldn’t say much himself since he was also deciding not to get the surgery. He sighed, hands twitching for a smoke. But he stopped smoking because all it did was make it harder to breathe what with the flowers coming out of his mouth and all. The dark haired man dropped his boss off in front of the barracks. The other members of the Shinsengumi looked at the passed out gorilla and sighed. This happened more times than they would like to admit. Seeing Kondou passed out because of something Otae related became the norm for them.

Hijikata made it back to his room and took a deep breath before he dashed to the small trash bin in the corner. He stared at the pale blossoms and clenched his fists.

_ So the perm head has the same thing I do. Who did he fall in love with? _ Hijikata needed to see him.

Once night fell Hijikata made his way into the hospital. Visiting hours were over but he managed to slip in somehow. It's not like he used his authority as an officer or anything.

If Hijikata were honest, Gintoki looked like shit. The man was breathing heavily as if there wasn't enough oxygen entering his lungs. He was paler than usual, sleeping soundly in the hospital room. The bin next to the silverette was filled with a terrible mix of flowers and blood. He slowly walked over to the man whose eyebrows scrunched together as if he were struggling to breathe. Hijikata used his hand to smooth Gintoki's hair out of his face. He couldn't help but wonder who the man loved. They must not have returned his feelings if it got this bad.

"You idiot why didn't you get the surgery." He mumbled. Gintoki shifted. "You're such a stubborn fool."

"Hijikata-kun…" Gintoki mumbled, he opened his eyes and Hijikata pulled his hand away as if he’d been burned. Those wine red eyes widened with panic. The heart monitor he was hooked up to started to beep a bit faster.

"Yorozuya, calm down." The man in question started to shake a bit. The beeping of the heart monitor was growing faster.

"Oogushi-kun…"

"It's not Oogushi-kun...it's Hijikata. Yorozuya...you look like shit…"

"Thanks glad to see that you noticed my appearance." He shot back, he winced a bit. However, it seemed like he was calmer now since the heart monitor started beeping at a slower pace.

“Who is it?” Hijikata suddenly asked.

“Who?”

“Who’s the person you love?”

“...” Gintoki stayed silent. He averted his gaze away from the Vice-Chief.

“Oi, don’t be stupid. You need to get that surgery fast. You want to die this way?”

“So what if I die? No one’s gonna miss me. People die everyday.” He coughed. A few petals made their way out of his system. He spit the mix of blood and flowers in to the bin next to him.

Hijikata stared at Gintoki.  _ That’s a bold faced lie. The Shimura boy and China girl are going to miss you. Even that overgrown dog. Hell, who isn’t going to miss you. You’ll probably be the most missed person in all of Edo. But most importantly...I’d miss you. _

“But you’re too stubborn to die. You’ve cheated death so many times. Why give up now?”

“I don’t want them to know.”

“You mean they still don’t know you have feelings for them?” Hijikata growled. “You should tell them! And if they don’t accept your feelings than you can just get the damn flowers removed.”

“What’s the use...he’s not going to accept me. And I’d rather die loving him than have my feelings for him disappear.” He squeezed his eyes shut as if to ease the pain as if he’d given up. Hijikata’s heart broke at the sight of him. His chest twisted.

_Should I tell him? What if he doesn’t accept my feelings?_ _Of course he won’t, another person already stole his heart and that person doesn’t even know._

“Oi, so you’re just going to die just like that? Come on Yorozuya. At least tell me. I won’t tell another soul.” Hijikata whispered.

“Pft. As if I’d tell you."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me Yorozuya."

"Like hell I will. And why do you care so much?" He shot back.

_ Because I love you. _

"Gintoki...tell me." The perm head stiffened at the sound of his name. He stayed silent for a moment before responding.

"Three days...visit me again in three days...I'll tell you then."

"Three days?"

"Yes."

"You promise to tell me?"

"I promise."

"Stay alive."

Gintoki responded with a hollow laugh.

Hijikata left without a word. Leaving the pale man alone in his hospital bed.

After leaving the hospital Hijikata found the nearest trash can and emptied out his stomach of the damn flowers. How could something so beautiful end up represent something so horrible. In the end, these flowers would kill him. They were already killing Gintoki. He clenched his fists angrily.

_ I’m going to kill the bastard for putting that idiot through so much pain. _ Hijikata thought not knowing that he was actually referring to himself. The perm head did promise that he would tell him in three days.

* * *

Gintoki lied. He didn’t even think he would make it three days. And if he did Gintoki would probably lie about who he fell in love with. Who he was  _ still _ in love with. The amount of blood he was losing through coughing up the flowers was nothing to ignore. On top of that the growth of the vine like flowers was slowly tightening around his heart and his lungs. It was getting harder to breathe and that was not good. His eyes watered as he smiled bitterly to himself. Fate was so cruel. Seeing Hijikata before he died. Maybe that was a small mercy. The tears started to fall freely now. It felt like they wouldn't stop. Dripping down the corners of his eyes like a waterfall.

He wondered if the dark haired man would miss him. He cried a little harder at the thought, he finally fell asleep after all the sobbing he did. 

He dreamed about the man who held his affections. Hijikata and him together. Both of them leaning against each other as they watched the sun set. In the dream they both seemed to be happy. Hijikata smiled at him and Gintoki's heart melted. The dark haired man cupped his face and pulled him in for a tender kiss. Gintoki relished in it. Gripping onto Hijikata's sleeve as if he'd disappear if he let go.

Too bad it was all a dream as he woke up with a sharp pain in his chest.He gripped the rail of the bed tightly as he wheezed. Trying his best to keep his breathing even. It was bearable after a few minutes. 

_ I've been through so much worse, yet why does this feel like hell? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOULD BE DOING MY HOMEWORK BUT HERE I AM WRITING/POSTING ANOTHER CHAPTER AT 4AM. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


	5. Chapter 5

After a fitful sleep Gintoki woke up to a small green box on the small table beside him. A small note was attached to the ribbon. Someone sent him a box of sweets. He wondered who would have done such a thing. A thought struck his head and he blushed.

_ What if Hijikata got them for me? No, that bastard would nev- Holy Shitake Mushrooms! _

_ Thought you might want something sweet after all this shit you've been going through or whatever... _

_ Hijikata _

Gintoki's eyes widened as he read the note. He read it again, not believing what he was seeing. At first he thought it was some weird prank. But it seemed like Hijikata's handwriting. He was confused to say the least but also a little touched at the gesture. Although he thought it was because the Demon Vice-Chief took pity on him. He huffed as he opened the box to find bon bons.

Gintoki popped one of the chocolates into his mouth. He sighed, savoring the sweetness of the confection. It was a nice change from the usual metallic tang of blood that seemed to coat the inside of his mouth these days. He smiled at the flavor. Strawberries. How Hijikata knew it was his favorite was beyond him. But he really appreciated it. Maybe he would tell Hijikata the truth. Just maybe. The silverette only hoped he’d be able to stay alive until then.

* * *

Back at the barracks Hijikata couldn’t help but wonder if the perm head got his little gift. Hijikata had a feeling that he would enjoy it. He knew that Gintoki liked sweets and chocolates seemed to be a safe choice. He also knew that strawberries were one of his favorite fruits. He hoped it would cheer the other man up. He looked so sad, pale, and frail. Not like the tough silver haired samurai he’d come to know.

He was suddenly struck with the urge to vomit. He hurried to the bathroom, locking himself in one of the stalls. The pale pink and white blossoms stared back at him in the toilet bowl after he let it out. This was a mess. Now that he knew that Gintoki was suffering from the same disease as him, Hijikata thought that his fate wouldn’t be far from Gintoki’s. It was a one-sided love, right? So that must mean that Gintoki was in love with someone else. Hijikata couldn’t help but curse fate. It really sucked knowing that he couldn’t be with the one person he loved.

_ Maybe I should just tell him. No. He already loves someone else. Why go through the pain of telling him knowing that my love for him is unattainable? _ He knew that his past love was attainable, yet he pushed Mitsuba away. Now with Gintoki, his love seemed truly out of reach and that hurt him even more. Hijikata sighed.

_ Whoever this bastard is, he’s going to pay for putting Gintoki through so much pain. _ He thought angrily. If only he knew that Gintoki was actually in love with him.

He heard the bathroom door slide open and prayed no one would notice he was there. That exact moment, Hijikata barfed into the toilet. Cherry blossoms decorated the inside of the bowl.

"Ahh shit. Don't worry buddy hangovers are the worst." A random Shinsengumi officer called out. "Man if the Vice-Chief finds out we've been drinking last night while on duty he'll have our heads. Hahaha." The man stated blissfully unaware that the man in question was occupying the bathroom stall as he was taking a leak in the urinal.

Hijikata flushed the toilet. Making sure the flowers wouldn't clog it this time and opened the stall door slowly.

"Care to repeat that?" Hijikata growled. His hand was already on the hilt of his sword. The man looked scared as he stuttered. The poor fool didn't even have time to zip up his pants.

"V-Vice-Chief!!" He exclaimed.

"What was that about drinking on duty?" He glared. The man just kept fumbling over his words. "Go commit seppuku." Hijikata growled and chased the man out of the bathroom only to bump into Sougo.

"Ahh, Hijikata. I was looking for you."

"Attempting to kill me again?"

"Not this time. I heard Danna was in the hospital. He’s got hanahaki disease."

"And why are you telling me this?" Hijikata raised an eyebrow at the young man.

"Thought you wanted to know. Danna has helped us out a lot and besides you've been in your room a lot lately."

"Someone has to do the paperwork."

"I still think you spend that time in your room reading dirty magazines. Or are you into watching videos?"

"Shut up, Sougo. What I do in my spare time is up to me."

"Wow I didn't know the Vice-Chief was such a perv. Maybe I should kill you and take your place. No one wants a pervert to be their leader." Elsewhere a certain gorilla sneezed while also gaining this insane urge to cry.

"Anyways how do you even know about the Yorozuya's condition?"

"Bumped into China and she wasn't in the mood to fight like usual. When I asked her she started to ramble about how Danna was stuck in the hospital. And that it wasn't looking too good."

"I see."

“Hijikata it’s almost like you care.” Sougo looked at the man with his usual indifferent expression.

“Whatever…”

“You didn’t confirm nor deny it.” Sougo smirked. “Don’t worry, Danna will pull through somehow. I mean he’s a pretty lucky guy. I mean the amount of times he’s gone toe to toe with death and come out alive is pretty outstanding. Don’t sweat it.” The young sadist gave Hijikata a pat on the back and walked away. The dark haired man took a shaky breath. Hijikata didn't want to lose another loved one to a sickness.

_ What if his luck runs out? What if he doesn’t make it? _ Hijikata shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it right now. He just hoped that Gintoki would pull through. After all, he did promise to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still enjoying this story. I think there might be one or two more chapters left until I'm done. Hahaha. Sorry again if it feels rushed and sorry that this chapter is so short. College is tough as heck. Here you go my beautiful readers. Your comments are so sweet too. T_T Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it's taken so long for me to update. What with everything going on right now it's just been so hectic and I apologize if this seems so rushed. Also the Epilogue was shorter than I expected so I just added it to this chapter.

He was paler, he looked the most sickly than they’ve ever seen him. Almost as white as a sheet. His lips were stained red because of the blood that spilled out alongside the flowers. Gintoki looked like a vision of death.

Kagura and Shinpachi visited again. This time Kagura threatened to kill him if he died. She’d find a way to bring him back to life and then beat him up for dying like that. Shinpachi cursed Gintoki out as well. Telling the man that he was an idiot for dying over something that could be easily taken care of. Gintoki listened to their words. They both urged him to get the surgery. But Gintoki wouldn't.

Call him selfish, he had Kagura and Shinpachi. He should just get the operation and be done with it, but being the stubborn fool he was he’d rather die than live in a world where he wouldn’t be able to love Hijikata.

The kids looked so sad, they looked like they were struggling to be strong. Their eyes looked glossy as they tried not to cry.

“It’s okay,” he rasped out, he grimaced at the sound of his voice, hoarse because of all the coughing.

“It’s not!” They both yelled.

“Gin-chan...Where will I go? Where will Sadaharu go?” Kagura asked, sniffling.

“I’m sure Otae will look after you.”

“Gin-san…”

“Oi, Kagura, Shinpachi. Don’t be so sad. I don’t want my last moments to be filled with your sad faces.”

“Why are you acting like you’re going to die anytime now?” Shinpachi asked. He took off his glasses to wipe at his eyes.

“If the time comes. I don’t want to remember seeing you guys so sad and don’t be! It’s not the end of the world if I end up kicking the bucket.”

"It will be the end of the Yorozuya." Shinpachi stated sadly. Gintoki sighed shakily.

"It won't be the end."

"Yes it will. How can we be Yorozuya Gin-san without Gin-san?"

"It won't be the same." Kagura sniffed.

"You two are young and you've been doing great without me tagging along so far."

"Don't say that. We're only this good because of all the troubles we've gone through together." Shinpachi replied.

After talking for a bit longer the two made their leave. They promised to visit the next day and gave the older man several more threats to stay alive. They left with strained smiles. Gintoki wondered if his life was going to end this way. He'd been through so much worse yet it looked like he was going to be done in by an unrequited love. His only regret would be not telling Hijikata his feelings.

* * *

The man in question was coughing up more flowers. His chest feeling congested in a painful way. It was almost impossible to keep the flowers hidden from the others. He resorted to locking himself away in his room. Threatening seppuku to those who dared try to bother him. Shaking off Sougo was the most difficult. What with his constant schemes to try and end his life.

“Hijikata, are you done watching dirty videos?” Sougo asked through the sliding doors of Hijikata’s room.

“Go away, Sougo.” Hijikata scowled. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“No, and you didn't deny it. So you really do spend your time watching those videos."

“Go away, damn it. And no, I don't watch those kinds of videos."

After a pause Sougo's tone shifted. "Seriously, what's up? You've been acting stranger than usual Hijikata...and your obsession with mayo is beyond strange."

"You're one to talk. What with your weird fixation to see me dead. Don't tell me you're worried?"

"No. I'm not worried." He responded a little too quickly. "Anyways, just so you know, I'll be the one that kills you, got that?"

Hijikata just rolled his eyes. "Go do something besides plotting my demise."

"Whatever." Sougo replied and walked away from Hijikata's door. The dark haired man sighed and once he could no longer hear the young man's footsteps, he coughed into his trash bin.

Back in the hospital, Gintoki started to break out into a cold sweat as he was trying his best to sleep. The pain he was feeling was like no other. He’s been cut down by swords, been shot at, had kunai thrown at him. Hell, Sadaharu has bit his head more times than he could count. He’s taken down large groups of men and amanto alike. Yet here he was confined to a hospital bed. As the pain in his chest grew, his breathing started to become ragged as he started to have more trouble breathing. The pain started to get worse to the point where he woke up abruptly. The heart monitor started to beep faster as he started writhing in bed, kicking off the covers as he started to clutch his chest. He started to cough up flowers and blood. Trying desperately to get the air back into his lungs. The doctors and nurses rushed in.

“Sakata-san! Please calm down!” One of the nurses yelled, trying to restrain the silverette. Sweat continued to drip from his brow, eyes scrunched shut because of the pain. At this rate he didn’t think he’d even last a minute. It hurt so much.

_ I didn’t even get the chance to tell him… _ Tears started to slip out of the corners of his eyes. Not only from the physical pain he was experiencing but the emotional pain as well. He ended up decking anyone that came too close.

“You have to be still! If we don’t do something now you’ll surely die!” One of the doctors explained.

_ Then I’ll die. Because I'm not gonna stop loving that mayo bastard. _

* * *

Hijikata locked himself away in his room doing paperwork. Trying to keep his condition a secret.

Gintoki would tell him soon. Then he was going to hunt down and kill the bastard that hurt the perm head.

Hijikata suddenly knocked over his inkwell. The black liquid spread across the paper ruining his work. Something that he usually never did. There was a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and it wasn’t the flowers. His thoughts immediately went to the perm head and he just ran. Not bothering to answer anyone's questions on the way out of the barracks. He had feeling something bad was happening. Real bad.

_ Damn it. If the perm head… _ He didn’t want to think about it. His legs carried him all the way to the hospital. He rushed in, not bothering to stop until he reached the idiot’s room.

Doctors and nurses surrounded the bed trying to save the silverette who was now starting to gasp for breath. His body convulsing on the mattress. His arms were swinging around knocking people off their feet. A horrible mix of flowers and blood was making its way out of his mouth.

Without thinking Hijikata jumped onto the bed and pinned the other's flailing arms down.

“You idiot, you can’t fucking die on me!” Hijikata yelled. “You fucking promised you'd tell me."

"Who is it that you love?!" Tears were streaming down Gintoki's face. He couldn't get the words out as he was still shaking and coughing up blood and morning glories.

The heart monitor was beeping like crazy and the doctors and nurses were trying to get Hijikata away from the silverette.

"Sir you have to leave! We can't operate if you're here."

"Shut up!" He growled, the look in his eyes was enough to have the hospital staff back down. "Gintoki tell me." The perm head was starting to calm down. Hijikata let go of his arms and as he did so the silverette brought a shaky hand up to touch Hijikata's face. Hijikata grabbed his wrist like his life depended on it.

Gintoki looked at him with a sad expression on his face. Eyes glistening with tears.

"You…" He coughed out weekly. Time seemed to slow down. The noises around him were mute to his ears.

"You what?" Hijikata asked. He wasn't sure if he caught the words.  _ You...Youta? Yoo? Was that the person's name? _ Hijikata gazed at Gintoki with concern and confusion.

"I love..." He gasped out. Hijikata leaned in closer.

"Who? Gintoki, tell me."

"I love...." The dark haired man couldn't wait any longer. It was eating away at him.

_ Tell me whose ass I have to kick. _

"I love….you." He mumbled.

"You...love me?" Hijikata looked at him with wide eyes, shocked. Gintoki gave him a weak smile and gazed into Hijikata's eyes. The heart monitor started slowing down. And with it Gintoki's eyes were losing focus, the hand that was caressing Hijikata’s cheek was slowly falling limp in Hijikata’s grip.

"Damn it! Gintoki don't you dare die."

_ Just say it! I have to tell him now! _

Hijikata didn’t hold back as he told the perm head what’s been eating away at him.

"I love you too, you hear me! I love you too you idiot! So don't you dare die on me." Now tears were starting to fall from Hijikata's eyes. Gintoki didn't respond.

_ I'm too late! Not again. I lost Mitsuba because I couldn't accept my own feelings for her. Now I'm going to lose him. I'm going to lose Gintoki. _

"I love you…" He bent down and kissed the pale man below him, not caring about the blood that was left on his lips or the hospital staff's gazes. He pulled away until he felt a hand bring his head back down. Now he was staring face to face with Gintoki. Red eyes shining brighter than they'd been since he made it to the hospital.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say those words." He kissed Hijikata again, a fresh wave of tears falling from both their eyes as they shared the kiss.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Several days passed before they could both leave the hospital. Their vitals were monitored and Gintoki was looking much better. He wasn't that sickly pale color that Hijikata hoped he'd never have to see again. The flowers finally stopped all together.

Crazy how the words "I love you" could be their saving grace.

They got a huge scolding after the stunt they pulled. Kagura refrained from beating up Gintoki because he was still healing. Shinpachi was nagging at him, while Otose was complaining about the rent, but her fond smile gave her away. Catherine was calling Gintoki an idiot. But she was fighting the urge to smile. Tama was glad that he was okay in her robotic deadpan.

Otae was glad they were both alright. She was upset that she didn't have the time to cook them anything. Much to the relief of the others, they did not want to keep the two thorny bastards in the hospital.

Kondou was crying, making sad gorilla noises while also saying that he was a bad Chief as well as a horrible friend for not even knowing about Hijikata’s condition. Sougo on the other had looked disappointed that Hijikata didn’t die. But in reality the sadistic brat was glad that Hijikata was still alive. He’d miss driving the older man crazy with his antics. He was happy that Gintoki was alright too. When the two of them were together there was never a dull moment.

Once finally discharged the relationship between the two didn’t make a drastic change. Although the public displays of affection was something new to the both of them. Everyone took it well, saying that the two were like two sides of the same coin. They were alike yet different at the same time. And in turn balanced each other out.

“I love you.” Hijikata stated out of the blue as the two were sitting together at the park. Gintoki leaning against the dark haired man’s side like he belonged there. Comfortable and content with each other’s presence as they watched the sunset together.

“I love you too.” He replied and just like in his dream, Hijikata cupped Gintoki’s face and gave him a tender kiss. Gintoki could die happy and Hijikata wanted to stop time and just stay like this forever.

They broke the kiss and rested their heads against each other's foreheads as they smiled softly at each other. In that moment they were truly happy together and couldn’t wait for what the future held, because they’d be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope everyone stays safe and healthy during these difficult times.


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